A whole lot of me.

1.I was born in Nashville, Tn, while my parents were going to Bible College. My Dad was from the mountains of North Carolina, my Mom grew up in the Blue Ridge Mountains of Georgia, and they met at Goshen FreeWill Baptist Church in Belmont, NC where they had each moved to find jobs. I provided them with endless embarrassment because every time they took me to church I would scream and fuss til my Mom would have to sit with me in the car. But my mother had me memorizing scripture from the cradle and I was saying John 3:16 from the time I could talk. I have many memories of my Mother singing songs and telling Bible stories… I somehow learned the tunes in spite of the fact that my mother was partially deaf and could not sing on tune. My dad would kneel down and pray in our living room every night with us.

2. I love the South and Southerners… the most open and friendly people in the world. Except for being born there—and living there for 13 months when I was in the 3rd grade, I have only visited. I grew up in Oregon and lived there for 24 years- (that is minus the year I was born and the year I was in the 3rd grade). I have lived in the Seattle area for 28 years. I still love the South the best!!

3. I struggled with deep depression all during adolescence and had two nervous breakdowns before I was 26 years old. I was assigned to a counselor in high school who sat and cussed at her “damn boots” the entire session and thus I never returned… I believed that someone stupid enough to cuss at her boots was more messed up than me… (Teenagers know everything, remember?) I struggled with panic attacks and Agoraphobia until just a few years ago.

4. When I was in High School, I had a life changing encounter with Jesus Christ and while my problems didn’t magically disappear, He was there with and I was totally changed inside. I had a button I wore on my crocheted hippie handbag that said Jesus Changed My Life… Nothing has touched my soul with more truth than that button. (Many things have touched my soul with as much truth, but that was the first—deep into my soul--- bear witness with my Spirit, experience.

5. I went to Ecola Hall Bible School for a year. I still have a few friends I keep in touch with from there. I worked as a nurse’s aide in a nursing home and a couple of hospitals and to this day I would love to become a Registered Nurse. I love to care for hurting people and I have way with women who have Alzheimer’s.

6. I met my husband at a College Aged Bible Study group while he was stationed in the Navy in my hometown. We have been married for almost 34 years. He is a Norwegian from a North Dakota farm. I experienced culture shock the first time we visited his parent’s farm and met his relatives. But I have since adopted much of that rich culture and have tried to instill US Scandinavian heritage into my children.

7. We moved to Seattle in the fall of 1980 for my husband to go to Seattle Pacific University. He went to school fulltime and worked semi full time, but it was I who pulled the all nighters… typing and editing his papers… And he was and is a procrastinator… AND we also had 2 very small children at this time!

8. I have a list of things I want to do before I die: Learn a foreign Language. Visit Europe. But most of all have a neat and tidy home..

9. I like clutter… I really do… But I have become a hoarder and it is now out of control. I try to get rid of stuff every day… But don’t always succeed. I feel most loved when someone gives me a gift… And somewhere in my life, I began giving myself gifts and now have a shopping addiction… I am going to blog about this sometime, because as I have analyzed this it is rather interesting. I went on a shopping fast this summer and that has really helped.

10. I have sleep apnea. I am a NIGHT person I hate to go to bed before 2. I hated to get up before 9. I love to blog. Those things aren’t related, but it filled a line. Oh I like to read blogs too. I also like the non word ain’t and use it frequently.

11. One of my hobbies is selling stainless flatware and books and china and stoneware among other things on eBay. I am haphazard about this.

12. I have the 5 best kids in the whole wide world. They have their own relationships with the Lord and have overcome difficulties and hardships that some people never recover from! They have been scattered over the world at times. This past year, I have gone from 4 at home to 1. It is quite an adjustment! I homeschooled them all…Seeing them “catch” a concept is its own reward.

13. Among my many and diverse abilities are crocheting, embroidering, calligraphy, sewing, cooking, baking…. But I would rather scrub toilets than cook… My favorite foods are whatever someone else fixes…I love word games, SCRAMBLE, Scrabble, WordTwist, WordScraper. I recently purchased a DSLR camera and am teaching myself photography.

14. I have read thousands of books. I know this because I have read hundreds of books out loud to my kids. I began reading out loud when the first two were tiny and it is the one thing I would make it a point to do every day. One day I asked my oldest son (then 5) what he like about books (he couldn’t read at the time) and he said that they take you someplace far away and you become a different person in a different place! I read the Little House books out loud 4 times. If a child was going to grandma’s house, I would read into a tape recorder (while reading to the other children) and send it to them. When my Dad was sick and on chemo, I read a book or two that I knew he would like onto a tape and sent to him. The day my youngest child took the book I was reading out loud to her and said she couldn’t wait to see what happened next, and finished it herself, was a sad day for me. I actually grieved about this and prayed that God would give me kids to read out loud to!! I still have thousands of books… and sometimes I will pass a book in a Thrift store and it will be like meeting an old friend, and I will want to pick it up and buy it, even if I already have a copy.

15. I am way to frank and honest. I don’t hide my faults, problems or beliefs. I don’t have hidden agendas, I am way to open and vulnerable. I try to keep silent but really would just as soon stay home as to attend a Bible Study or any kind of discussion group because I almost always come home and beat myself up for saying too much. I am opinionated. I have a hard time being around people that I think are stupid… I have thought a lot about this lately and I had Southern relatives who would say “I can’t abide a liar” or “I can’t abide a drunk” Well I sometimes think that I can’t abide stupid people. I love to research and will learn both sides of something before I form an opinion. I will argue both sides of an issue. I don’t understand why people don’t think for themselves and find out things for themselves. I have a hard time with college educated people who tell me they know all about everything because they listen to NPR, CNN and/or PBS.

16. And finally, While this is true, I have great compassion and mercy on both the people who have been wronged and the people who do the wrongs. I don’t believe in shooting wounded people. (just stupid ones ;o) not!) I love to laugh and I love to pray… I talk to God all the time. I have a long way to go in being the person I should be, but so far He has been with me all the way… I pray hard, I pray earnestly, and I am also praying when I am griping under my breath about someone… I know He hears anyway and I figure I may as well just say it to Him… He knows my name. He loves me as I am but am grateful that His Hand is on me and He leads and changes me. I want to be more like Him… More of Him and less of Me… But I have a ways to go… He ain’t finished with me yet… And I must like talking about myself because this is crazy long.

Seasons, Cycles and God

We have had quite a winter here in the northwest that started a little before the actual season! We had well over a foot of snow on the ground, and it lasted for several days. Temperature warmed up, snow melted, rains came in heavy with winds, rivers flooded, lowlands flooded.... Then today came and the floods receded--lots of clean up left. Today was cold--when I went out to my car this morning it was encased in ice... and it has been dark all day... And I am soooooo sleepy tired all the time... I drag myself around..
Then there is darkness and winter on the soul side too.
A feeling of Narnian Winter... winter without Christmas... Bad news, bad diagnoses, bad reports, reports with BAD on the horizon... kinda like if things are okay, just look at the horizon... BAD is coming...
I have always been a negative, melancholy person... I somehow believed that bad stayed bad.. and only got worse... Dark rises... envelopes, permeates, overtakes...
But the truth is that Jesus Christ is the same... YESTERDAY, TODAY, and FOREVER. HE is the light of the world. He is Christmas Every Day!
Yesterday things hit me really hard. It was a really stormy day outside and I got rocked by some scary news that we don't yet know the outcome.
Things are cyclical.. Winter meshes to Spring meshes to Summer to Autumn and then back to Winter.
I think I have lived in Winter of the soul much longer than necessary because I didn't recognize Spring... Spring is beautiful, but brings on incredible seasonal allergies that can overpower the beauty... Summer can be too hot, too cold, too boring, too busy and isn't recognized for its beauty! Fall can be the most beautiful season, but it is back to school, back to normal, end of vacation... End of hope, if a vacation was especially looked forward to and came and went...
But I am understanding more and more that
GOD DOESN'T CYCLE
.. He is always the same... He is the same the day I get a phone call that rocks my world, as He is the day I get news that makes me sing and dance!
He is always good. He is no less good in Winter... He is good when our best friend dies. He is good when they are miraculously healed. He doesn't change. He is what we have to wrap ourselves up in that our world won't rock quite as bad when a 10. earthquake rocks our world...
God is our Refuge. Our Fortress. A very PRESENT HELP IN TIME OF TROUBLE.
I can't say it any better than this:

Psalm 46 (New Century Version)
1 God is our protection and our strength.
He always helps in times of trouble.
2 So we will not be afraid even if the earth shakes,
or the mountains fall into the sea,
3 even if the oceans roar and foam,
or the mountains shake at the raging sea.
Selah


4 There is a river that brings joy to the city of God,
the holy place where God Most High lives.
5 God is in that city, and so it will not be shaken.
God will help her at dawn.
6 Nations tremble and kingdoms shake.
God shouts and the earth crumbles.

7 The Lord All-Powerful is with us;
the God of Jacob is our defender.
Selah


8 Come and see what the Lord has done,
the amazing things he has done on the earth.
9 He stops wars everywhere on the earth.
He breaks all bows and spears
and burns up the chariots with fire.
10 God says, "Be still and know that I am God.
I will be praised in all the nations;
I will be praised throughout the earth."

11 The Lord All-Powerful is with us;
the God of Jacob is our defender.
Selah

CAMERA

Yesterday after I took Susanna to school, I went to Goodwill and then to Danica's.
Ozzy got into Danica's garbage and found a piece of chicken that he grabbed and hightailed down Danica's stairs to eat. It didn't smell bad, so I just let him. I washed her dishes and took out her garbage and then walked Ozzy to pick Susanna up from school.
There are a million dogs in that part of the city. I swear one barked at us from either inside their houses or yard at each and every house.
We are trying to teach him to walk and pay more attention to us than to the distractions.. not all that easy. He likes to "Jack Rabbit" (looks like a leaping frog to me). Anyway I have this teeny tiny camera that is my new little toy. It is about the size of a credit card and about 3/4 inch thick.
I was also photogaming through Flickr.com. Yesterday's assignment was to photograph something important. I think my washing machine is important. My family, my car, electricity, water, heat, food...Hospitals are important.
I settled on Ozzy's harness and leash... Those are indispensible right now. He would be unmanagable and long gone if we didn't have those.
As I was shooting pictures, I began wishing for a bigger, fancier camera. I have a really nice Canon powershot, but I want an SLR... I follow Pioneer Woman and she has a Nikon D50 or something, so I started looking... and alas... I could pay a month of my son's room and board for the price of one of those... But something started cooking in my brain... Bob has an old Minolta. He has some filters and a telescopic lens... I started thinking that there must be a camera that will accept those lenses... So i discovered that the Sony Alpha 1oo takes the old Minolta lenses. And I found one on eBay... for half the price of my son's room and board. I will have to sell on eBay to pay us back for it, but I am really looking forward to this camera now!

Our house is so quiet!! Yesterday Susanna and I came home and I fell asleep in the rocking chair with the laptop on my lap... Susanna crashed on the couch, Ozzy in his bed next to the couch and Bob came home and laid down on the bed and went to sleep!

Today I have done a little vacuuming, the dishes and a little bit of tidying.

It is nice to have a quiet home...Am posting some of the pictures from my walk yesterday.
I am imperfectly clear.

Photos

Oswald from my perspective

In the Midst of Change

I can't seem to get anything done... I flit from one room to another, my thoughts are here and then there... I decided to organize my thoughts, sort of....at least put them in writing and maybe they would become more clear, rather than just hazy wisps of passing fancy.

But as I sit here I have so much jumbled up in my mind that I don't know exactly which thought to right down first...

Yesterday we got up and drove our 20 year old son to the airport where he flew back to school in Redding, CA. That probably wouldn't be so dramatic, but it marked a new era in my life....

In the past 6 months, we have gone from 4 offspring in the house to one...
Our 19 year old daughter left in March to go to Europe with Youth With A Mission.
June, our oldest son moved near Atlanta, Ga... that is a long way from Seattle...
September our 19 year old son began school at Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry in Redding, CA..
BUT at that same time in September the daughter in Europe returned...

Thanksgiving my mother joined us..

And the house has had lots of activity and hustle and bustle...
BUT
Saturday my brother came and packed up my mom and (now 20 year old) daughter, and then they were gone...
Yesterday our son left. And now this house is big and quiet and feels weird.... I can't quite comprehend it...

I find myself thinking thought like this, "I need to go to the library today. I wonder if Kendra needs to go too. If so I will wait until she is up and about." But Kendra is in Oregon now... For years it wasn't too big of a deal if I locked myself out as oldest son Josh worked from home and I would just somehow need to get his attention to unlock the door (not always as easy as it sounds). But he is in Georgia now and that is no longer an option. Other thoughts: Cooking for 3? (less people to please) Laundry should be much less hassle...

I didn't mention that one comfort is that our oldest daughter lives on her own just a few miles away.

I am in an altered state. My life is changing.. I am sad, happy, excited, sad, a bit fearful, a bit relieved, a bit hopeful, a bit sad. But mostly I am just adjusting...
I am (definitely) Imperfectly Clear.