Grief has been like a tsunami for me. It was such a relief at the time Mom passed... And then there was cleaning out her house, taking a vacation to Colorado. Preparing for a wedding that didn't happen and there was the sadness and sense of loss that happens when wedding plans and relationships fall apart. A trip to North Carolina and Georgia... Many times I needed to call her and tell her something or ask her a question, and would have to realize over and over again that I can't (excuse my change of tense here) do that anymore... But I thought I was handling it pretty well... I didn't realize that the wave had been pushed way back and was getting higher and higher and about to wash up over me.... and then all of a sudden it was Thanksgiving Eve. I was chopping celery for the stuffing. I began thinking how finely Mom chopped her veggies. And how nice that was... and all of a sudden the tears began to flow... and they have flowed to one degree or another ever since...
A wave hit watching the late night news last night: We have had an over abundance of rain the past few days and last night on the local news was much flood coverage. A 91 year old man had lost his home. His daughter was interviewed and she told what an amazing man he is. How his body is weak, but his mind is so sharp. His life's works were in that house... I was strangely comforted because when we think 91 we tend to think OLD.. and not much sadness about their passing... But the truth is I feel enormous sadness about my 89 year old Mom's passing. I miss her like I would miss my heart if it didn't beat... Not a day doesn't go by that I wouldn't like to call her... Her body grew so frail and weak... her heart and lungs gave out... Her mind remained sharp until the morphine needed to comfort her body took her mind from us...
Today I was trying to tackle a spot of my horrible hoard- dom... and underneath some boxes i found this card that Mom had made for my birthday some years ago:
It made me cry, but made me remember her love for me...
I suppose i will always miss you mom...
I saw this on the following tombstone last week:
"'Tis but the the casket lies here,
The gem that filled it sparkles yet"
Mom Sparkles brightly!
She has NO LESS days to sing God's praise, than when she first began...
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